Understanding God's Role in the End of Relationships
Legal Disclosure: Unto the Clouds is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.
My Story
☀️ It was the summer of 2013.
I remember it like it was yesterday– the day I met my best friend.
He became like a brother. We were so close throughout our high school years that people didn’t know if we were friends, siblings, or dating.
If kids started drama with us, we had each other’s backs. When we went through the ups and downs of our lives at home (parents, relationships, depression), we showed up for one another. We shared secrets with each other that we didn’t trust with anyone else– not even God.
For a couple of years after graduation, I lived with him and his family. We were navigating our young adult lives together. We both worked long hours, but when we had the time & energy, we smoked together, vented about our problems, and just laughed & enjoyed each other’s company. Young & naive.
Eventually, I moved out and went to Seattle for a while to be a digital nomad. When I returned home, I moved in with my mom. At that point, me and my friend’s relationship grew a bit distant. Not for any particular reason or falling out– I just assumed we were both busy.
💔 Then, on New Year's Day of 2022, my friend texted me. He said, “I think it’s best we end our friendship here”. I felt a lot of emotions, but I simply texted him back, saying I understood. Then, I proceeded to cry my heart out for weeks.
The icing on the cake was that a few weeks prior, I found out my boyfriend of two years had been unfaithful for the entirety of our relationship. So I broke up with him, and now here I was losing my best friend too.
Losing the people I kept closest to me came with a lot of pain. The memories that used to make me laugh and smile were now sending me into crying spells. My hoodies became my Kleenex, and I vividly remember the empty, gaping pit I felt inside my stomach when I sat on the living room floor at night, rocking myself back and forth, trying to understand, “Why?”.
Well, Why Does it Happen?
❓Why does God allow us to get close to people, and suddenly, we’re all alone with our hearts broken?
The answer that God showed me is that not everybody is meant to be in your life forever. God allows certain people to serve different purposes in your life at different stages.
For example, I had a traumatic childhood. I experienced domestic abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, etc. I believe God let me have my best friend during those years because He didn’t want me to go through it alone.
Then, as I got older, God was ready for me to leave my trauma behind. You can’t do that when you’re still connected to the people who you trauma bonded with. God was ready for me to stop venting to people– it was time to trust God with my secrets instead.
God puts people in your life for many other reasons, too. In general, He uses interpersonal relationships to fulfill his plans and promises. You may meet someone and they bless you. You may meet someone and God tells you to bless them. And sometimes, you may meet people, and the relationship goes sour– in which case you blessed each other because you both walked away learning something new about life.
In romantic relationships, much of the pain we face is not God’s fault. It’s our own. I believe the toxic relationships we encounter stem from two things: miseducation and our own disobedience. The Bible provides many stories and examples of what a Godly relationship looks like. One of the most iconic stories is that of Boaz and Ruth. Yet, if no one teaches you these lessons and why they are important, you will inevitably learn through experience.
📖 Authors Bill Peel & Walt Larimore of the book “Workplace Grace” put it this way, “The challenge of evangelism in the twenty-first century is not a matter of supply; it is a problem of distribution.” In other words, God has given us all the truths that we need to live harmonious lives. The problem is that the enemy has caused so much confusion and dissension here on Earth that people have difficulty knowing what the truth is.
On the other hand, we have an innate understanding of right and wrong. Yet what tends to happen is that when we’re young (physically and/or spiritually), we don’t really care about the warnings or the consequences. Everything is like YOLO. So we do whatever we want and learn lessons the hard way. It’s like a kid touching the hot stove.
The Takeaway
🥀 It’s okay for relationships not to last forever. These experiences are all learning lessons, and God can use them all for a greater purpose. I believe if more people understood this, we could foster more purposeful relationships. We’d learn how to close the chapter of a relationship without hate or negativity. We would have more joy, understanding that the closing of one door means God is about to open a new, bigger, better, and brighter one.
I mentioned previously the story of Boaz and Ruth, which you can find in the book of Ruth. I also encourage you to read the book of 1 Samuel, as it illustrates a beautiful and loyal friendship between David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan.
Throughout our lives, we will come to the end of many chapters. I pray the Lord fills you with His perfect peace as you flip the page to all your new beginnings. In Jesus’ name , amen 🙏🏽
With Gratitude,
SalimahReflection question: How has your life changed as a result of ended relationships?
How has the end of those relationships affected your relationship with God (did they bring you closer to God, or did you perhaps become resentful and pull away)? Good or bad, have a conversation with God about it today. Ask Him to provide any closure, healing, or understanding that you may need to move forward 🤍
